Feeling That Forty-Something Fatigue

So we’ve all heard about the latest TikTok craze, the one where the younger generations are calling millennials old for having side parts and wearing skinny jeans. I know it’s just a joke on social media, but it got me thinking. I am almost 2 years into my 40s and as they say, with age comes wisdom, but what also comes with age, besides the wrinkles and grey hair, is a feeling of fatigue. I’m not just talking about the overall exhaustion of being a working, busy parent to two very active kids. I’m talking about the burnout, the feeling of where is my life going and what have I accomplished? I’ve heard that this is very common when women hit their 40s and now that I am comfortably into this decade, I am starting to discover why I feel the way I do. But what I’ve also started to learn is that there may just be one very good reason for feeling this way and it may come down to when I was born.

“According to Pew Research, members of Generation X were born between 1965 and 1980, and Millennials were born between 1981 and 1996.” However, there is a “microgeneration”, known as xennials, who were born sometime between 1977 and 1983, which is exactly where I fit in. According to this new term, xennials are considered that “in-between” generation who grew up without technology but learned early on how to use it and what the benefits were. We grew up in schools pre-Columbine and 9/11 but lived through both events and saw the impact they had on society. We’ve experienced both sides of these two conflicting generations and since we are those “in-betweeners”, I am starting to feel that squeeze. Since I don’t completely fit in as a Gen X’er or a Millenial, maybe this can account for why now, in my 40s, I feel a little lost. Maybe it isn’t just a mid-life crisis, but a real, data-driven phenomenon that can explain my overall malaise and fatigue.

Here’s another example. I always wanted to be a teacher and I’ve loved being in the classroom teaching middle school for the last 20 years. However, this year I am experiencing some severe burnout, and not just the “I teach during a global pandemic” burnout that teachers all across the world are facing. I am feeling a sense of, is this all I want out of my career? Should I be doing something different? Should I be on Teacher TikTok and TeacherGram posting all of these innovative activities? I was listening to the Be There in Five Podcast, with Kate Kennedy the other day, and she has an episode about MLMS but she got to talking about millennials and the microgeneration, and what she said resonated with me. I actually wrote down, somewhat word-for-word what she said, “Millenials grew up in a world that no longer exists….Today it is all about following your passions and dreams and quitting your 9-5 day job.” Are we, as “elder millennials” in this position where we grew up being taught that a career is meant to look like a 9-5 day job and that is what we went to school for and prepared for? But now, we are living in this world where so many people are their own boss, they work from home, make up their own hours pursuing their passions, and making tons of money doing it! I do love teaching but would I rather be at home, working on my own terms, being my own boss while making lots of money? Of course! Is this realistic? Probably not, but that is what we are shown on social media and when you see it every day, you start to question your own life decisions. Where do we fit in? Why do I feel this way?

Social media obviously has an impact on everyone’s lives. On the one hand, social media allows us to connect with people from our past and make new friends around the world that we normally wouldn’t have a chance to encounter. For the mom world, social media can be life-saving. Whether it’s the mom groups that dish out advice on a daily basis or the chat groups where moms can ask personal questions about themselves and their kids and get responses that can change their lives. At the same time, seeing the highlight reel of people around the world 24 hours a day is not always a healthy thing. As adults, we have the experience to know most social media isn’t real. However, as humans, we are still being bombarded with images all the time and it takes its toll. Kate Kennedy also spoke about how social media exacerbates the overall feeling of “career unrest” and the feeling of never being fully satisfied. She talks about how “influencers” and social media gurus are “working overtime to make us feel inadequate..”

What if this is all true? What if I am doing everything I should be doing and even more, but I am still feeling inadequate because of when I was born and the life I have lived? This explanation of the microgeneration or xennial generation makes so much sense to me and can help justify some of the emotions I have been feeling since I turned the big 4-0. After speaking to many of my friends, it seems I am not the only one, and we all tend to feel the same overall fatigue and second-guessing that comes with getting older. Knowing all of this now, I am vowing to take a different approach to look at my life and growing older and give myself more credit. After all, what other generations can say they adapted to technology as well as we have? Growing up without technology and being on the cusp of all new innovations makes us pretty special, and we need to embrace that and celebrate that, rather than thinking about what else we should be doing. Instead, I am going to acknowledge all that our generation has done so far and celebrate all that I have accomplished in my 41 years. This is the attitude I choose to take moving forward while rocking my skinny jeans and side part!

What is one thing you have learned about growing older?